The Tuner Challenge

I have a Vizio 37-inch HDTV that can locate all of the existing TV signals, analog and digital, running down the cable, tell which are viewable and which are encrypted, and put them all in a semblance of order so I don’t have to jump from here to all of the way over there to get from analog channel 4 to digital channel 4.1. The Scientific Atlanta cablebox I have is a dual-tuner system of sufficient quality that is capable of screening out the “busy backgound” that my analog channels exhibit. (What ever happened to the crystal clear cable signal of 30 years ago?)

So here’s the challenge: Will somebody please build me a tuner card capable of doing both of those things –analog and clear QAM reception plus proper channel organization– that will work in Windows and ignore any attempts at enforcing DRM? I ask this only because, as is, the situation smacks of familiarity with my 25-year old VHS (or Beta, I have both) VCR and that doesn’t seem to be indicative of two to three decades of progress.